If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
