Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
