It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The Olympian is in my bed
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
