Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
