Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
