His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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