battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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