I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
