Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
