You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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