im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
