How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
