Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she pinky promised me she was 18
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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