the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
