if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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