thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
