i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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