dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
