You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
