...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
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