Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
