It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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