we have pet lesbian snakes
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
