Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
