I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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