Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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