my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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