This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
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I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.