where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.