please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?