tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.