There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
