Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.

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  (916): We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever. http://tfl.nu/dui8
  Replies (12) Good night (4156) Bad night (1391)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse

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  (740): she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse http://tfl.nu/30t8
  Replies (14) Good night (4897) Bad night (1186)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.

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  (920): I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly. http://tfl.nu/qe62
  Replies (18) Good night (1368) Bad night (2763)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service

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  (970): I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service http://tfl.nu/s56z
  Replies (17) Good night (6119) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"

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  (937): they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America" http://tfl.nu/sewn
  Replies (7) Good night (4424) Bad night (1062)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?

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  (270): How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night? http://tfl.nu/sgi1
  Replies (13) Good night (1081) Bad night (2988)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow

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  (908): We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow http://tfl.nu/g44q
  Replies (2) Good night (1549) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.

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  (360): I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised. http://tfl.nu/zjt1
  Replies (6) Good night (2450) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.

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  (231): It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me. http://tfl.nu/2ez8
  Replies (9) Good night (586) Bad night (1623)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.

  (941): View more from Florida

  Oh at the liquor store again?

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  (954): I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board. (941): Oh at the liquor store again? http://tfl.nu/01vl
  Replies (0) Good night (695) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.

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  (805): I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible. http://tfl.nu/k9z2
  Replies (2) Good night (555) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you

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  (814): I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you http://tfl.nu/g34j
  Replies (1) Good night (961) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"

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  (412): So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through" http://tfl.nu/qtp1
  Replies (3) Good night (781) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"

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  (713): Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess" http://tfl.nu/rzf4
  Replies (1) Good night (513) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.

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  (619): This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before. http://tfl.nu/nkfw
  Replies (0) Good night (370) Bad night (203)

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