well you can't waste a boner
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...