When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
