I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
