i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
