in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
