i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
