Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize