his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
