and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
