he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
