Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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