how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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