I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
