one might say we're banned from that church
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
