You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
