I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
