i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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