dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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