He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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