every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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