After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
