Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
