I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
