Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
