There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You left your phone here
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