he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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