I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize