You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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