Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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