My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
