In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
