respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
