if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
