My pussy is not your playground.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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