I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
