I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
