No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
