Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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