I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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