I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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