wat bout pragnant strippers??
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
