Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
