Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
