Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
