You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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