What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
and she was petting her beer can
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
