she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
