But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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