my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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