I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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