so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
