I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
