I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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